Mental Dialog

I truly love the crazy conversations I have in my head while I'm working out hard. Fun workouts, you laugh, you smile, you might sing along with the music. But these hard workouts, like the one we had on the Super6 schedule today? The conversations that go on in my head between myself and, well, myself, are hilarious (in retrospect, of course).

Today was TESTING DAY!!!!! Which means, you dial into that perfect pace that takes you RIGHT to the edge and you hold it for what feels like an eternity, not letting go, not even for a second. It's only for 20 minutes, but it feels like forever. I've done this workout, Spinervals 27.0: Threshold Test and Sufferfest (I know, seriously, how do they name these??? Gotta love it!), multiple times, but the dialog is the same every time. EVERY time. Here's how it generally goes:

• Troy tells us how it's generally going to go, with lots of warnings about how much we are going to suffer, and how good it is for us. "Yes! Suffer! Let's get it started man!!!! I wonder what I can average this time? 10W more than last test? 15? 20?!?! Yes, twenty. I'm shooting for 20W more than last time!!!!" Mind you, this goal is based on no realistic data, but rather on my not quite yet awake, but over-exuberant brain that thinks I'm much more ass kicking than my body can substantiate, but, whatever. We go with it.
• Troy starts the warm up, and WOW, I'm pushing the serious watts during those 30s on segments (we always warm up with 30s on / 30s off, three times). "Hmmmm, maybe I should shoot for 30W higher? I am clearly on fire today. Look at me and my bad self!" I am still not yet fully awake, and full of delusions of grandeur. 
• We then have an extended warm-up for this one, because we need to "take a little snap out of our legs" to make it a true 40k TT effort simulation. "HA! Take the snap out of my legs. You go ahead and try! These legs are bands of steel...."  I continue to push some serious wattage during the extended warm-up, easy to do, because the intervals are short, but then.... I'm feeling the snap starting to leave those bands of steel, and as my brain starts to wake up, reality begins to creep in. "Perhaps it would be more prudent to think about 10-15W higher than last test?" Ya think, Little Miss Bad Ass? 
• Then we start. 20 minutes. 20 minutes hard, and you have to start out at a level you can sustain for the full 20 minutes, but NO LONGER. Thankfully, I'm actually getting pretty good at gauging my effort (once I'm awake and thinking straight, that is). I pick a solid gear, hit a cadence of 88, and start to push. 
• Troy announces that we are 5 minutes in. By now, there is a huge puddle on the floor under my bike and sweat is pouring off my hair, face, and shoulders at an alarming rate. "Ok, ok. 5 minutes in. That's ok. I'm good. Just 3 more of that. I can do 3 more of that. I think. I'm pretty sure. Maybe." A little self-doubt here is good, it means I'm pushing it hard enough that I'm not quite sure I can hold on, but I *think* I can. Perfect. He then announces that Luther is putting out something absurd like 375W. "Wow, that is SERIOUS power, man! Impressive!!!! Way to go Luther!!!!"
• We get to the 10 minute mark. Half way there. I've now lost half my body weight in sweat, all my towels are soaked through, and I'm getting a tad grumpy. "Over the hump. Just 10 more minutes. Wait, 10 more minutes???? Shit. This hurts. Wait, 10 more? I think he's high. He is barely looking at that stupid stopwatch of his - I think he's wrong." "Well, crap. No, my computer says the same thing. Ok, 10 more minutes. Just keep pedaling, stare at cadence and HOLD IT." "STOP looking at the timer, it is NOT moving slower than real time, just STOP LOOKING AT IT!" We hear that Luther is still holding onto obscene wattage, and I swear he's not even sweating."Good job Luther, nice work. Wow."
• 5 minutes left. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Luther is a freaking stud. I don't give a CRAP about Luther! Shut UP already!!!!!! Actually, seriously, just stop talking Troy. You are killing me. I KNOW I'm suffering, I think I'm sweating blood at this point!!!! Stop TELLING me how good this is for me." "You know what? I'm holding this just fine, and I'm SURE I can keep it up for 5 more minutes. So it's just fine if I stop right now and use these numbers!!!! Right? That would be totally legit. Totally! Or, even if I stop now, my average will still be higher than last time, so that's good. Yes, this is good enough. I think I will stop right now and feel just fine about that decision." "Shut up and pedal, woman. You have 5 minutes left, you are going to not only hold this, but you are going to kick it up a notch. GO!!!!"
• I see my average wattage number go up by 1. This makes me very, very happy. Or as happy as one can be sweating blood with 4 more minutes to go. I am determined to eek out one more watt, so I increase my cadence a little. This hurts. Badly. "You IDIOT!!!! What were you thinking???? Now you have to hold THIS for 4 more minutes!!!!!!" "Oh, only 4 more minutes? That's easy. 1 minute. Four times. I so got this. Damn. This hurts." 
• "Troy, why aren't you talking? Tell me how good this is for me, dammit!!!!!" "Ah, there you are. Thank you. Yes, yes I am suffering and I can suffer for another 2 minutes, just another 2 minutes. I can. I can. Hold the hell on, hold on!!!" 
• My average speed goes up. WOOT! And there is my additional watt! ONE MORE MINUTE!!!! "..............." (pure silence, as now I'm in robo-mode and there are no thoughts. Just staring at my computer, staring at my cadence, holding on for dear life, holding on by a thread, a tiny, tiny thread) 
• "Three, two, oooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee!" and it's over. Just like that. I see my numbers and smile. While I am not QUITE as bad ass as my half awake brain imagines me to be, I ain't half bad.